


it's nice to have a friend

by holtzmanns



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Lesbian AU, Romance, Soulmates AU, another one, this one is soft and dreamlike
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26931247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzmanns/pseuds/holtzmanns
Summary: Dreams are a little bit less scary and unknown with some company there. Or at least, a girl with yellow hair who is two years older than Vanessa and lives in Canada and is her best friend in the entire world.Soulmates au.
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo
Comments: 46
Kudos: 68





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> So I really enjoyed writing that first soulmates au, and really wanted to write another one. This one came a bit out of left field, but I hope you enjoy. The next chapter of level up is on it's way as well, promise. Thank you guys so much for all the support and comments on it, it makes me so happy. And tell me what you think about this one, too!
> 
> Thank you Writ for betaing and being the best ever ❤️

Vanessa is four and she can’t sleep in her big kid bed. Not when it gives her nightmares.

That has to be the reason, because her mom isn’t there, and her mom makes the nightmares go away when she reads her bedtime stories and Vanessa dreams of the stories instead. But sleeping in a big kid bed means that she doesn’t have her mom to kiss her forehead and tell her everything is going to be okay because they’re not in the same room anymore, not when she has to share with Alexis.

Alexis is seven, which seems so very _old_ because she’s all the way in second grade and Vanessa’s only in kindergarten, with a teacher named Miss Kayla who lets them paint with their fingers and race cars around the classroom. But Alexis says that Vanessa’s in classes for babies, because Alexis is learning about division and reading chapter books without any pictures at all.

But Vanessa likes Miss Kayla. She likes going to school in the mornings. 

She just doesn’t like having to go to sleep the night before.

Vanessa pulls the covers up to her nose before closing her eyes, because maybe her blanket will be like a shield and protect her from the scary monsters. And it works, for a little bit, because that night Vanessa dreams that she has her own pet dragon whose name is Rocky, and Vanessa can ride on his back and _fly_ but then Rocky turns into a bad guy who wants to shoot his fire at her and she has to wake up, it has to be a nightmare-

But then Rocky is sprayed with water. By a firehose and a firetruck and a firefighter who’s a girl like her except she has yellow hair, while Vanessa’s is brown. 

The girl rides away in her firetruck before Vanessa can say anything and Rocky is nice again, and maybe her dream isn’t so scary anymore. And when Vanessa wakes up the next morning, it’s in her own bed and not in her mom’s, because she didn’t have to crawl in her mom’s bed to scare the bad dreams away.

Alexis is wrong. Vanessa _is_ a big kid.

Vanessa’s dreams are sometimes still scary but sometimes they’re nice, because she gets to be a princess and wear a sparkly dress or she gets her very own puppy which she wants more than anything in the world, even though her mom says they’re too much work. She doesn’t see the girl again, not even when her dreams have wild butterflies and unicorns and Vanessa’s _sure_ that the girl would like them, too. Sometimes Vanessa’s dreams have large crowds and she swears that if she stands on her tippy-toes she sees that flash of yellow hair, but then she blinks and the girl vanishes almost like magic. 

Maybe the girl in her dreams has special powers. 

It’s the night before Vanessa’s birthday, and Vanessa sees her again in her dream when she’s climbing a mountain, and it’s _really_ tall, but Vanessa’s in a huge parka, the kind that she sees on TV that they don’t have in Tampa. It’s keeping her warm, but the fluffy hood is getting in her eyes and she has to push it down when she sees a girl ahead of her that looks all too familiar. 

“Hey! You!”

Vanessa’s never called out to her in a dream before. The girl’s been too fast, just a little out of her reach but now she’s here, and Vanessa’s going to take her change. 

The yellow braids freeze, snowflakes sticking to them like glitter, and Vanessa’s never seen snow in real life, but part of her wonders if it sparkles just like this. Vanessa nearly trips on her feet to catch up because maybe the girl’s going to run away, and then Vanessa’s going to be alone again.

Vanessa gulps when she catches up because the girl is _tall,_ and she’s barely reaching the girl’s shoulder. She’s the shortest in her class but she’s faster than all of the boys, so it doesn’t bother her, but this girl is looking down at her and maybe Vanessa’s made a mistake, but there’s only one way to find out. 

“Hi.” 

The girl is biting her lip, her eyes wide and part of Vanessa wonders why the girl is scared when she’s already fought monsters and climbed mountains in her dreams. She’s strong. 

“Hi.” The girl whispers back, and Vanessa almost doesn’t hear her over the wind that’s blowing the snow around their heads like confetti. 

Vanessa sticks out a hand, mitten and all, because her mom always tells her to shake hands with new people and be polite. “My name is Nessa. It’s my birthday tomorrow.”

She’s going to be five. A whole year older, and she almost can’t believe it because five seems _old._

“I’m Brooke.” The girl mumbles, and Vanessa almost wants to tell her to speak up and use her outside voice since they’re climbing a mountain, after all. “How old are you gonna be?”

“Five.” Vanessa is proud as she says it, because five is big. Five is grown up. 

Except the girl wrinkles her nose. “You’re only five? You’re a baby!”

“Am not!” Vanessa’s _not_. “How old are you, then?”

“I’m seven.” The girl’s smile makes it look like she’s bragging and Vanessa wants to huff a little. 

Five is still cool. 

And Vanessa has the perfect comeback. “You’re a grandma.” 

“Am not!” The girl’s mouth drops open, and it’s the perfect opportunity for Vanessa to grab some snow and make a snowball and throw it at her, just like she’s seen people do on TV. 

If only Florida could have snow, too. 

The girl lets out a shriek, grabbing a handful of snow of her own and Vanessa turns on her heels and runs before the snowball can get her, except that she runs off the edge of the mountain, and-

She wakes up in her own bed. 

Vanessa’s heart is still pounding and her forehead is a little sweaty, because her room isn’t as cold as the mountain from her dream and when she looks out the window, she sees grass and a palm tree and not snow and icicles. 

Maybe she can ask her mom to go on vacation and see snow someday. 

* * *

Vanessa is six and Brooke is her best friend, and everyone else thinks she’s imaginary, but they’re wrong. 

Maybe Brooke is only in her dreams, but Vanessa held her hand when they crossed a bridge in the clouds, and ran her fingers along the feathers of Brooke’s wings when they both got to be fairies and have magic powers. Brooke makes dreams a little less scary, a little less unknown. Sometimes they face monsters but Brooke is always there, and they always defeat them together. 

Sometimes, the dreams aren’t exciting at all. Sometimes, the two of them are sitting on Vanessa’s bed and Brooke’s telling her about school and dance and how she wants to be a ballerina, and Vanessa loves to listen. Because Brooke says she’s from Canada, and Vanessa knows Canada is cold and she wonders how different it is from Tampa. She wants to hear all about Brooke’s life because Brooke is the most interesting person she’s ever met. And she’s in the third grade, too.

Vanessa tells Brooke about first grade and about how they have to pay attention now, and learn math and it’s hard to sit still at a desk for so long, but recess is fun and she is still the fastest one in her class. She likes to run and feel the wind and leave everyone else in the dust. 

“I’m glad you grab my hand and never leave me behind. I’m slow at running.” Brooke traces her fingers along the flowers that adorn Vanessa’s sheets, outlining the petals.

Vanessa makes a face. “I can’t leave you behind, silly. Besides, if I grab your hand you get as fast as me.”

Brooke sighs. “I wish that would happen outside of dreams, too.”

Vanessa doesn’t mind her early bedtime. Sure, a boy in her class was bragging about getting to stay up until eleven, but the earlier Vanessa sleeps, the earlier she can see Brooke and go on adventures with her. 

Sometimes she gets to her dreams before Brooke does, and she has to wait around and count some sheep until Brooke’s yellow ponytail pops up along with a waving hand. Sometimes Brooke is waiting for her, grinning and bouncing on her feet and ready to go. Brooke is the constant in her life when they have to move to Miami and live in a new house and Vanessa has to start at a new school in the middle of the year. The kids are mean, and one girl teased her for getting mad when another girl stole her scrunchie, and all Vanessa wants is to be able to go back.

“I hate Miami.” Vanessa grumbles one night to Brooke, when they’re traipsing through a rainforest and Vanessa’s sure that there are dinosaurs around, too. 

Brooke ducks when a monkey swings past them. “Doesn’t Miami have beaches? Beaches are cool.” 

“Tampa has beaches, too. And my friends. And my old room.” 

Vanessa doesn’t understand why they can’t just move back, why Vanessa’s mom couldn’t stay at her old job. Why they had to leave. But she’s glad Brooke’s still with her in her dreams, that she didn’t get left behind in Tampa, too. Vanessa’s not sure how she’d survive that.

“I wish I was at your new school. I could be your friend there.” Brooke reaches out to grab her hand as they cross a small stream, and Vanessa doesn’t want her to let go.

* * *

Vanessa is nine, almost ten, and she’s not a baby, no matter what Alexis says. 

“People in their double digits don’t have imaginary friends. Only babies do.” Alexis’ snicker makes Vanessa want to stomp her foot, wipe the smirk off of her sister’s face. 

“Brooke’s not imaginary, she’s real! She’s just in my dreams.” Vanessa grumbles, because she’s right, she _knows_ she’s right.

Brooke is real. Brooke tells her about her life and family and school and about living in Canada, and how can any of that be imaginary?

“There’s nothing wrong with being creative, darling.” Her mom’s attempt at being reassuring makes Vanessa scowl more, because she knows that her mom doesn’t believe her either. Never has.

“She’s real. Why don’t you two ever listen to me?” Vanessa crosses her arms, trying to keep her foot from kicking the side of the table no matter how much she wants to.

Her mom shoots her a warning look. “Nessa.”

Unlike usual, Vanessa doesn’t feel the need to be quiet. She’s too grumpy. “I’m just saying.”

Alexis shrugs. “It’s weird. Having an imaginary friend is weird-”

“She’s _not_ imaginary-”

“-Especially when you talk about her so much. Don’t you ever dream about anything else?”

“Shut it, Alexis!” Vanessa growls, letting go of her fork which clangs against her plate. She tries to scoot her chair back, storm off from the table, but the stink eye from her mom tells her that it’s safer to stay where she is.

Alexis doesn’t get it. Vanessa hates the way she says Brooke isn’t real and makes fun of her. Sure, Alexis is her sister, but why doesn’t she ever just listen?

No one ever listens to Vanessa, even if she’s loud. Except Brooke.

Brooke always listens.

That night in Vanessa’s dream they’re in a mall that she’s never been to before, but Brooke says it’s the mall that’s near her house. The mall that she’d gone to earlier during that day because her mom had said that she was outgrowing her clothes and her pants were getting too short. 

They buy soft serve cones from Dairy Queen, the kind dipped in chocolate and Brooke gets some ice cream on her nose that Vanessa wipes off for her with her sleeve. Brooke’s telling her about her friends and Vanessa doesn’t know if seventh grade is going to be the way Brooke describes it in a couple years, but she’s not sure if she’s looking forward to it.

“So Jess says that we all have to have crushes on boys. She says she has a crush on Mitchell and Ashley says she has a crush on Josh and Emily says she has a crush on Andrew, and today at lunch they asked me who I had a crush on, ‘cause they said that everyone has crushes.” Brooke licks the ice cream that’s about to drip off of her cone, catching it just in time. 

Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “So, _do_ you have a crush on anyone?”

As far as Vanessa’s aware, boys still have cooties. They pick their noses and fart loudly and laugh because of it. But hey, maybe that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in seventh grade. Have crushes. 

Brooke makes a face. “Gross. The boys in my class always try to snap all the girls’ bra straps and all they talk about is hockey. But when my friends asked me, I panicked and said the first name that came into my brain, and that’s only ‘cause he was walking by at recess.”

Vanessa can’t hold back her giggle. “Sneaky.”

“I was super convincing.” Brooke says, unable to hold her laughing back either before she lets out a sigh. “I just don’t get it. Why they all have crushes on boys. Recess was more fun when we got to play soccer and four-square instead of talk about them all the time.”

“Come to my school. We still play tag and basketball and soccer and everything,” Vanessa pauses, “but maybe that’s ‘cause I’m only in fifth grade. I wonder if I’ll have to talk about boys in seventh grade.”

Vanessa hopes not. She prefers her recesses with Silky and Kiki and she’s never had best friends outside of Brooke until this year, but Silky and Kiki make her laugh and Silky yelled at her old bullies from second grade a few months ago. School is feeling okay again. 

She wonders if Silky and Kiki will want to talk about boys when all of them are twelve like Brooke. 

* * *

Vanessa is thirteen and a boy asks her to slow dance at graduation, but she doesn’t really get butterflies in her stomach the way that characters in romantic movies say they do.

She tells Brooke about it that night, in her dream. They’re on a beach and Vanessa’s wearing the purple bathing suit that she’d begged her mom to buy her a few days ago, but her mom had said no. At least she gets to wear it in dreamland.

Brooke’s in a bathing suit too, with little polka dots on it and heart shaped sunglasses balancing on the bridge of her nose. She’s squinting while looking over at Vanessa, because the sun is too bright but Vanessa likes it. 

“Have you ever gotten butterflies? How do you know when you have them?” Vanessa shouldn’t be this distressed over it, really. It’s just that she had expected more at the time. 

The movies make a slow dance look all sweet and romantic, but all Vanessa could think about at the time was the fact that the boy smelled way too much like Axe and how it made her nose wrinkle. Plus the boy had been sweating buckets, and Vanessa really just wanted to go back to dancing all silly with Silky and Kiki.

Brooke shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe we’re just weird ‘cause we don’t have them.” She pauses, her breathing catching in her throat for a second in a way that makes Vanessa raise an eyebrow. “Can I tell you a secret? Though you can’t tell anyone about it.”

Vanessa scoots closer, as if they’re not the only ones on the beach for miles around. “What?”

“I kissed a boy last week.” Brooke whispers, her eyes shifty and Vanessa almost screeches, climbing up onto her feet.

“What?! Really?” Vanessa can’t help the way her mouth drops open, because Brooke’s kissed a _boy_ and she only just told Vanessa now, and why is her stomach feeling kind of weird?

Brooke’s cheeks are bright red, and Vanessa doesn’t miss the way she slouches a little. “Maybe. I didn’t say anything ‘cause I didn’t like it, though. It was weird. All my friends have already had their first kisses and I thought I should just get it over with, but...it was slimy.”

“Slimy?” Vanessa lets out a guffaw because _gross,_ and Brooke’s giggling too, though she doesn’t know why her heart feels like it’s turning over in her chest a little bit.

Brooke shrugs. “But back to the point, I didn’t feel any butterflies either. Even though Ashley and Jess and Nicole all said they had butterflies on their first kiss.” 

“Okay, good. Well, not good ‘cause you didn’t have butterflies, but good ‘cause I didn’t have butterflies with a boy either. Even though slow dancing and kissing aren’t the same thing.” 

Their two year age difference has always made it feel like Brooke is just a step ahead, setting a path that Vanessa will inevitably follow. She wonders what her first kiss will be like. If it’s anything like Brooke’s was? Slimy. But she hopes not. 

Vanessa can’t get the vision of Brooke kissing someone out of her mind for the next few days, and part of her feels guilty about it, though she doesn’t know why. Did the boy kiss Brooke first? Or did she kiss him? Did she really not like it the way that she said she didn’t?

It’s all too confusing. 

Vanessa saves her thoughts about the kiss for the daytime, when she’s bored in class or is trying to avoid her homework. She’s able to push her feelings about the kiss away, though, in her dreams. Because she has more important things to do with Brooke, like skydiving and fighting dragons and even creating a girl group and becoming pop stars. 

Except one night, before they can even start their adventure, Brooke’s waiting for Vanessa and looking like she’s about to burst. 

“Finally! You’re here!” Brooke’s feet are tapping on the dirt ground of the giant greenhouse that the dream is currently set in, their heads surrounded by butterflies and flowers painting the glass walls with bright colours. 

Vanessa gives Brooke a onceover, and the way she’s almost squealing with excitement must mean that it’s something big. “What? Is this dream super cool or something?”

“No! I mean, it seems like it, but no. I have news.” Brooke takes a deep breath and her eyes widen, and maybe she’s getting cold feet because she’s gulping and Vanessa pokes her shoulder. 

“What? Tell me.”

Brooke’s eyes are excited yet nervous, and nothing can prepare Vanessa for the words that next leave her mouth. 

“I’m coming to Miami.”

Brooke rushes through her explanation while Vanessa’s jaw is on the ground, because what? Miami? Brooke’s coming to her city and she’s going to be near her in person and…

Not just in their dreams?

“So I dance, right, and we travel for competitions and I decided to audition for the competitive team this year even though normally I don’t, but I wanted to, and one of the competitions is in Miami, actually in Miami, and I made the team and I’m in enough dances that I’ll be able to come, and maybe it’s too much and maybe you don’t want to meet in person and I’d get that, ‘cause it’s different in the dreams but I was just thinking, maybe, maybe we could?” Brooke gasps in a breath at the end of her sentence, and Vanessa gets it, she really does, because she can’t breathe right now either, not if Brooke’s going to be in the same place as her, and it’s not going to be a dream. 

“You’re not playing a joke on me, are you? You’re not pulling my leg?” Because who knows, maybe Brooke is, Vanessa has a right to be suspicious. Maybe it’s not true.

The laugh that leaves Brooke’s mouth is a little incredulous as she shakes her head. “No, I’m really coming to Florida, promise. It’s in five weeks. They’re booking plane tickets and hotel rooms and everything.”

Five weeks.

Five weeks and Brooke’s going to be in front of her, living and breathing and they’re going to be awake. Not in a dream. Brooke’s coming to Miami for a dance competition and Brooke wants to meet her, for real.

It’s really going to happen. 

They don’t go on an adventure that night, not with so much to talk about. So many plans to make for the weekend that Brooke’s going to be here, snatching time where they can when she’s not competing. They sit on the floor of the greenhouse, tracing patterns in the dirt and watching the leaves grow and blossom around them with their colours vivid and bright and warming Vanessa’s heart, and she never wants to leave.

* * *

Vanessa may be thirteen and may find waking up in the mornings difficult, but today she’s up before her alarm clock rings because she can’t stay asleep for another minute. 

Not when Brooke abruptly leaves their dream that night because she has to wake up to catch her flight, not when Vanessa’s going to meet her today. 

She’s meeting Brooke today. 

Not just in dreams, not for a fleeting moment before the two of them wake up in their own respective beds. 

Brooke is coming to Miami, and it's all good and dandy because Vanessa’s figured out a plan. She’s not taking the bus to school today, no. Instead, she’s already scoured bus routes and discovered that she needs to transfer between buses approximately three times to make it to the convention centre and hotel that Brooke will be at. It’s a long commute, but it’s doable. She can head out in the morning and spend a few hours with Brooke and make it back home before dinner. 

Her mom leaves for work after yelling a goodbye, and Vanessa takes the opportunity to scamper out of bed, grab the landline phone in the kitchen. She puts on her best fake voice when the school secretary answers the phone. 

“Hi, yes, Vanessa’s sick, real sick, my poor baby can’t even get up and so she has to stay home today. I think I’ll even have to stay home from work today to take care of her.”

Vanessa’s mom is easy to imitate, but maybe that’s because everyone tells Vanessa that she’s a complete copy of her. She’s just playing herself as a grown up.

It’s good enough for the secretary to buy it, hook line and sinker.

Vanessa’s knee bounces in the aisle as the bus lumbers between stops because it’s hard to stay still at a time like this, when all that stands between her and Brooke is a series of bus routes. She’s crossing the city on her own and sure, she’s thirteen and she can take the bus by herself but this feels different, unprecedented. New. 

She knows she’s impulsive because she’s been told as much, by teachers and her mom and it doesn’t bother her, the fact that they can’t keep up with how fast her mind wants to make decisions. But this one is unbelievable, even for her. Her best friend in the entire world is in the city, and the only reason she knows that is because of a dream. 

It gives a new meaning to the phrase ‘follow your dreams’, Vanessa supposes. 

Deep down, Vanessa knows that it’s real. She's not losing her mind or listening to voices because Brooke is real, and she knows too much about Brooke’s life and existence than her subconscious would ever be able to conjure up on its own. But worry, a tiny, small bit of worry, grabs a megaphone in the back of her brain and makes itself known. 

Maybe there isn’t a dance convention at all. Maybe Vanessa is really, truly losing her marbles and going for no reason because she’s made it all up, because there’s no way a recurring figure in her dreams can actually exist when she’s awake.

The voice gets louder and louder with every bus transfer, every step that she takes when she finally reaches her stop and the convention center comes into view, and there’s people everywhere in the building’s lobby but there’s also girls her age and some younger and some older and they have stage makeup and high buns and maybe, just maybe, she’s not crazy and Brooke is here somewhere and-

“ _Nessa!_ ”

-and Vanessa gets it now.

The movies. The way that the two main characters have their eyes meet in a crowd and get swept off their feet and have their movie moment. When all the songs make sense, when everything feels correct and right and the way that it should be. 

Her stomach is flipping and she’s going to burst and how does her face fit so perfectly in the curve of Brooke’s neck? Brooke’s arms are around her and squeezing her tight and Vanessa’s sure that her feet aren’t actually touching the ground anymore, not with Brooke spinning her around and around and around. 

The question that she’d asked Brooke all those months ago, about butterflies - Vanessa knows now what they’re supposed to feel like. It’s the pumping of her heart in her chest that’s getting faster and faster, and the way Brooke’s staring at her with an expression of awe, as if Brooke herself isn’t the most wonderful person that Vanessa’s ever encountered in her entire life. 

Part of Vanessa doesn’t want to let go when Brooke puts her down because she’s here, Brooke’s actually here and they were right, both of them were right.

This is real. They’re real. Brooke’s her best friend and she’s been her best friend since they were kids, and now she’s here and in the flesh and getting glitter on Vanessa’s clothes from her sparkly hairspray that’s keeping her high bun in place. 

Vanessa’s thirteen but she feels like she’s lived life a few times over, and in a way she has, in her dreams with Brooke. They’ve fought monsters and learned how to fly and told each other absolutely everything about their lives, what makes each other tick. Brooke knows her secrets and knows how to make her laugh when she’s sad and her hugs in real life are just as comforting as they are in their dreams.

“You’re here.” Brooke breathes out, and the way her hand reaches out to touch Vanessa’s shoulder makes sense, because part of Vanessa wants to check if this is really happening, too.

“We both are.” 

Vanessa puts her hand on top of Brooke’s, giving it a little squeeze and she never, ever wants to have to let go. They’re resting on a tipping point between their dreams and their awake states but Vanessa doesn’t want to pinch herself and accidentally wake up, not when they both deserve to have this reality last forever. 


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke shrugs. “I did a little research a few months ago. Google was useless, not really much on sharing dreams with another person, no pages on Reddit or any Facebook groups or anything like that. Nothing really relevant and recent. But...there were a lot of myths. Legends.”
> 
> Vanessa looks down at Brooke, the movements of her hand pausing. “Myths?”
> 
> “Yeah. And in all sorts of cultures, stories about people meeting in dreams over and over again and finding each other in the awake world. Soulmates, almost. They’d become close friends, some would even...get together. Find each other outside of their dreams and get married, so they could be together forever.” Brooke whispers the last part, and Vanessa feels her breath hitch in her throat. 
> 
> “Wow. Falling in love and everything, huh?”
> 
> “Something like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love on the first chapter! I'm so glad it was enjoyable to read and hope you enjoy this second chapter just as much. It's quite a bit longer, but it didn't feel right to break it up anywhere so here it is, in all of its 8k glory. Enjoy and tell me what you think! Thank you writ for betaing and talking it through with me as always <3

Vanessa had a lot of time to think on her bus ride to see Brooke, with endless buildings and bus stops and intersections passing by through the window. She had wondered what it would be like, finally seeing Brooke in person. Brooke, alive and breathing and in front of her and most importantly, awake. 

But now that they’re here, now that Brooke’s in front of her? 

It feels normal. It feels like them. 

Brooke has twenty five minutes until her lyrical solo and her coach is letting Vanessa sit with the team. How couldn’t she, when Brooke had acted her heart out and explained that Vanessa used to be her next door neighbour, of course, one who had moved away from Toronto and all the way to Miami and now they finally have the chance to reunite?

It had been an easy sell. 

Vanessa has to push the rising feelings of inadequacy down in her chest, being surrounded by girls in tracksuits that cover up their sparkly costumes, whose eyes bat with fake lashes. She feels a little underdressed in her jeans and her docs and her backpack, but it’s okay, really, because Brooke’s still looking at her with an aura of awe and wonder. 

“I wish I wasn’t in this clown makeup for our first meeting.” Brooke’s cheeks are dusted with red, the bashfulness a rare sight on her but one that makes Vanessa’s heart melt. 

Vanessa nudges her arm. “I like it. Makes you look all fancy and like a singer or something.”

“Does not.” Brooke wrinkles her nose, pointing to the glitter that’s spilling onto her tracksuit. “I look like Edward Cullen with these sparkles.”

“So you’re telling me you’ve been a vampire this whole time?” Vanessa’s quip has the intended effect of making Brooke giggle, releasing the tension in her shoulders. 

Being around Brooke makes Vanessa expect to see a dragon around the corner, a unicorn down the hall. Because when they’re dreaming anything is possible, all sorts of plot twists that the two of them take in stride. Right now, though, sitting in a convention hall on plastic chairs that squeak whenever they move, Vanessa feels a different kind of magic. The way that Brooke’s head is resting in her lap, the rise and fall of her chest reminds Vanessa that she’s really here. Neither of them are going to wake up in their own beds, countries and hours apart from each other. Vanessa can just reach out and Brooke’s hand is right there, immediately squeezing hers back when she grabs it and the resulting calm that blooms in Vanessa’s chest serves as a reminder that Brooke truly is comfort. Home in a person. 

Her best friend. 

“I still can’t believe your coach and your team think I’m your ex-neighbour.” Vanessa snickers, because the fact that they’ve pulled this off is still a little surreal. 

Brooke grins up at her. “As if they’d believe the actual truth. Would anybody, really?”

“True that.” Vanessa can’t help the sigh that leaves her lips as she looks down at Brooke, running her fingers along the detailing on Brooke’s jacket. 

Alexis had been wrong, back in the day. Brooke’s real, Brooke’s here in Miami and she’s a living, breathing, person, not a figment of Vanessa’s imagination. Vanessa knows that Brooke’s had the same problem, getting people to believe her, and now the two of them have gotten to the point that it’s easier just to not mention their connection. 

Who else is going to understand exactly what they’re going through, anyway?

“Do you think there’s anyone else? Like us?” Vanessa can’t help the question, because she’s never really thought about it. It’s always just been her and Brooke, but maybe there’s other people with their own dream friends. But if such a thing is more common, wouldn’t they know about it?

Brooke shrugs. “I did a little research a few months ago. Google was useless, not really much on sharing dreams with another person, no pages on Reddit or any Facebook groups or anything like that. Nothing really relevant and recent. But...there were a lot of myths. Legends.”

Vanessa looks down at Brooke, the movements of her hand pausing. “Myths?”

“Yeah. And in all sorts of cultures, stories about people meeting in dreams over and over again and finding each other in the awake world. Soulmates, almost. They’d become close friends, some would even...get together. Find each other outside of their dreams and get married, so they could be together forever.” Brooke whispers the last part, and Vanessa feels her breath hitch in her throat. 

“Wow. Falling in love and everything, huh?”

“Something like that.”

Damn. Now that Vanessa thinks about it, her and Brooke would make a cool movie. Even if they’re just best friends, but still. It’s quite a story.

“Does that mean we’ll be cool enough to be a legend or a myth centuries from now?” Vanessa asks, and Brooke grins at the question.

“I gotta say, you _are_ pretty unforgettable.”

“Right answer.”

Vanessa cheers the loudest during Brooke’s solo, because watching her dance is art in motion, a bit of magic. It doesn’t matter that Vanessa’s seen the numbers for the competition a million times because Brooke’s been practicing in their dreams, because there’s always something new that takes Vanessa’s breath away. 

“What did you think?” Brooke is breathless, her eyes alight and Vanessa can’t help but pull her into a hug. 

“Perfect, as usual.”

“You’re biased.”

“Am not.” Vanessa looks up at Brooke, still nestled in her arms because the hug is comfortable. “I’m an extremely fair judge.”

“I don’t believe that one bit.” 

But Brooke’s eyes are twinkling as she says it, and Vanessa’s not sure if she imagines the way Brooke snuggles in for a second before letting go. 

The beeping of Vanessa’s watch makes them both jump, and Vanessa’s face falls because it’s the alarm that she’d set this morning, marking the time she has to head for the bus to get home in time without arousing too much suspicion. But she’s not ready to leave, and even though she’s going to see Brooke that night in their dream, it’s still too soon.

She doesn’t want it to end.

“I have to go.” Vanessa doesn’t mean to pout, really, because she’s not a kid anymore, but she can’t help it, not when it feels as if she’s only just gotten here.

Except that Brooke’s face is mirroring hers, and the slump in her shoulders lets Vanessa know that she’s not the only one who’s disappointed. 

“I’ll miss you.”

“Miss you, too.”

“But see you tonight?” And Brooke’s smiling again, hopeful and Vanessa can’t help but grin, too.

“Duh.”

* * *

Vanessa is fourteen and she wants to learn magic like Willow and Tara on _Buffy the Vampire Slayer._

She’s marathoning the show with Silky and Kiki, mostly because Silky wants to watch it for one of the vampire characters. It’s hard not to be sucked in to the show, though, not when Willow and Tara are the only two who are interested in witchcraft and learn spells together and hang out, just the two of them in Tara’s dorm room. 

The two characters remind Vanessa of her and Brooke - the friendship, the shared secret bond over something that no one else has. Vanessa almost wishes that she could fast forward the scenes with the other characters, get back to Willow and Tara because they’re the most interesting, after all, at least to her. 

The episode that they’re on has Vanessa at the edge of her seat, despite the way Silky is munching on popcorn and Kiki is texting beside her. Because on screen, Willow is upset and Tara is comforting her and…

Oh.

“Woah.” Vanessa barely registers when the word leaves her mouth in a breath, because her eyes are still wide and focused on the way that Willow and Tara are...kissing.

They’re kissing.

Vanessa’s never seen two girls kiss on screen before but she can’t look away, not when Tara is holding Willow’s face so gently and she’s not sure why her cheeks are feeling all warm, her palms sweaty as they grip the bowl of trail mix on her lap for dear life. The characters break apart and the episode continues on but Vanessa has no idea what happens, because the kiss is on a loop in her brain, playing over and over again until it’s all she can see when she closes her eyes.

She bikes home from Kiki’s house that evening in a daze, because Willow and Tara _kissed._ They’re best friends and they kissed and it was absolutely perfect.

Are they in love? Will they be together? _Can_ they be together? Is that allowed? Willow’s dated boys on the show but now maybe she’s going to date Tara, and somehow the thought makes Vanessa more excited and breathless than any other plot twist has.

She reaches their dream that night before Brooke does, lying down in a pretty meadow covered in flowers and staring up at the clouds, trying to calm her beating heart that’s been fluttering since the episode.

“Boo.”

“Aah!” Vanessa shrieks, nearly peeing herself from the scare while Brooke cackles behind her, and she huffs, turning around so that she can reach out and tickle her in revenge. Brooke’s resulting screech is enough to spur Vanessa on, tickling her sides until she’s yelling out for mercy. 

Brooke giggles, turning to lie on her side as her hair brushes against the daffodils peeking out between the grass. “What a welcome, huh?”

“You’re ridiculous.” Vanessa snorts, pretending to roll her eyes except that something makes her breath hitch in her throat. 

Maybe it’s the way Brooke’s smiling at her. Maybe it’s how close the two of them are laying to each other, close enough that the hand of Brooke’s that is trailing along the grass would be able to reach Vanessa. 

“How was your day?” Brooke’s voice is soft now that they’re resting on their sides, her eyes kind and open and waiting, and Vanessa wants to scoot closer to her.

She thinks of Willow and Tara, the way they were friends and hung out together and then they _kissed_ and-

No, she can’t think of kissing Brooke, because they’re not like that, they can’t do that, and-

“Nessa?” 

“Huh? What?” Vanessa lets out a breath, and Brooke’s staring at her with her brow furrowing in concern and she has to calm her beating heart, because Brooke’s going to think that something’s up.

But nothing is up, not at all. It can’t be. 

They’re Vanessa and Brooke, that’s it. Nothing more. 

She tries to take the butterflies that are rising up in her chest and tuck them into a little box, push them away into a corner of her mind that she can think about later. Because she doesn’t want Brooke to think she’s acting weird, because she’s _not_ , but she also can’t focus on thoughts like those right now, not when they leave her unable to think of anything else.

Part of Vanessa feels guilty, for thinking of Brooke like that. Imagining what it would be like to kiss her, wrapping her arms around Brooke’s waist and maybe tucking her hair behind her ear. It doesn’t feel _wrong,_ per se, but would Brooke be disgusted and hate her for it? Would she not want to hang out with Vanessa anymore as a result?

Vanessa needs to get a grip. Even if her best friend is as beautiful as always and her lips look soft, if she were to kiss them. 

But she needs to stop. 

She closes the box on the butterflies, trying to clear her brain and focus on telling Brooke about how she almost got caught passing notes to Kiki in science today. 

* * *

Vanessa is fifteen and the only one out of her friends who hasn’t had her first kiss, and she can’t help but feel a little behind. 

It’s Monique’s birthday and she’s invited them all over but also some of the boys, too, and Kiki and Silky are hell bent on getting Vanessa to have her first kiss tonight. 

Not that she wants it, really. Not with any of these guys. 

“We’re playing spin the bottle, c’mon Vanj!” Silky drums on Vanessa’s shoulders before grabbing her hand, dragging her to the circle that their friends are beginning to form on the floor. 

“I really don’t know if-”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun.” Kiki’s wiggling her eyebrows and Vanessa knows it’s because she’s gunning to kiss Marcus, after having a crush on him for the entire term. 

The bottle on the floor makes Vanessa wrinkle her nose every time it gets close to landing on her, though it’s entertaining to watch her friends go at it. Monique and Monet screech for approximately five minutes before kissing each other on the cheek, while Silky kisses Kiki’s crush and makes her sulk for the next twenty minutes until she gets a turn, too. It’s actually kind of fun, until the bottle lands on a boy named Sebastian and then the bottle gets spun again and it lands on...her. 

Monique lets out an _ooooh_ and Silky is cheering and the rest of the boys are clapping Sebastian on the back and Vanessa wants to sink into the floor. When she looks at Sebastian’s face, he’s looking a little apologetic and like he doesn’t want to be here, either. 

Vanessa had always expected her first kiss to be a magical moment. One where there’s butterflies in her stomach and her head feels all floaty, but this?

This feels a little silly.

The kiss is over in two seconds, and at least Sebastian’s lips don’t feel that gross, but Vanessa can still taste the Mountain Dew that he’s just had a swig from. She shrugs when she sits down again in between Silky and Kiki, making a face when they start to wiggle their eyebrows because really, this can’t be what they’ve all been hyping up for so long.

A tiny part of Vanessa knows, deep down, that she isn’t interested in boys like Sebastian. Though there must be some boy out there that will give her butterflies. 

There’s gotta be, right?

Vanessa tells Brooke about it that night in their dream, when they’re on a faraway planet and there’s flying cats in the sky.

“It just felt like we were smashing our faces together.” Vanessa doesn’t intend for her words to come out so grumpy as she reaches out to pet one of the animals, but Brooke cracks up beside her nonetheless.

“That’s pretty much exactly what you were doing.” Brooke plucks one of the kittens out of the sky, cuddling it in her arms and the sight really shouldn’t be as adorable as it is. “Pressing your lips together. Wrestling with your tongues.”

Vanessa shrieks, shaking her head as hard as she can. “Ew! First of all, we did _not_ do that. Second, I think I would barf.”

She doesn’t want to imagine doing that with Sebastian. Gross. No offense to him, but Vanessa’s going to leave him for that girl in their English class who never stops staring at him when they’re all reading Shakespeare out loud as a group.

Brooke shrugs. “I mean, it doesn’t seem all that bad. Some people look like they actually like it.” 

“That’s true. Kiki made out with Marcus for like five minutes straight before we had to pull them apart.” Vanessa snorts, shaking her head. “I bet they’ll end up dating in a week or two.”

“I guess it’s fun when it’s with the right person.” Brooke’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, and it makes Vanessa’s gaze linger on her for a second more than usual, and the familiar flip flop in her chest starts to rise again, the feeling that she’s normally so good at pushing away to think about at a later time. 

Vanessa wouldn’t say that it’s a crush. It’s not. Because Brooke is her best friend, and she can’t have a crush on her best friend. She’s known Brooke since their dreams consisted of eating cotton candy and talking about their elementary school problems, and it’s not right. She can’t like Brooke that way. 

Maybe if Vanessa tells herself that enough, her heart will start to believe it, too. 

“Have you had a kiss like that before?” 

Vanessa’s a sucker for punishment, because she can’t help herself from asking. Not when there’s a chance that maybe Brooke has, maybe she even has a crush on someone in her life. But she’d tell Vanessa if she did, right?

“Me? Nah.” Brooke shrugs, letting go of the cat in her arms so that it can climb onto a nearby tree branch. “I’ve only kissed two boys and both were…”

Vanessa leans in closer, raising an eyebrow when Brooke trails off. “Both were what?”

“Mediocre? Not that great? I don’t know.” 

“I guess they weren’t the right ones, then.” Vanessa mumbles, because what else can she say, really? 

She can’t say how much she really wants to kiss Brooke. How she wants to see if the butterflies in her stomach will increase tenfold if she did. If wrapping her arms around Brooke is going to make her feel giddy inside. 

Vanessa feels like she’s speaking in code, having to disguise the subtext that threatens to spill out and it’s hard, because part of her just wants to blurt it out, let it be known but the other half of her is terrified. Because telling Brooke how she feels could maybe ruin their friendship, all of their memories and their dreams and how does she even know that Brooke feels the same way? Maybe Brooke would be uncomfortable, not even know how to properly reject her and then it would make their dreams awkward and Brooke would have to avoid her for the rest of their lives?

It’s too much of a risk, no matter how much Vanessa’s heart is aching for it. 

* * *

Vanessa’s sixteen and has just gotten her learner’s permit and she’s excited to tell Brooke about it. 

Except that Brooke’s news is bigger.

Brooke has a boyfriend.

It’s okay, it really is, because Brooke is happy and telling her about their first date and about how they saw a movie and how he kissed her cheek when he dropped her off at the end.

“His name is Paul.” Brooke says, and Vanessa sincerely hopes that she is imagining the dreamy look that’s taking over her face.

What kind of name is Paul, anyway? It sounds like the name of a middle-aged man who’s an accountant and plays golf every weekend before coming home to his wife, Susan, and their two kids.

Paul sounds stupid. 

“That’s nice.” 

Vanessa doesn’t mean to sound so glum, and she tries to plaster an encouraging smile on her face, because good for Brooke, really. She hasn’t dated anyone before and maybe she’s happy in this new relationship and that’s a good thing, right? At least Brooke is happy.

Doesn’t mean Vanessa is any less grumpy about it, though. And the shitty thing is that she can’t even explain _why,_ not to her mom or to Kiki and Silky because how can she even explain Brooke without sounding like a lunatic? Her mom still thinks that Brooke is her imaginary friend from childhood, and Vanessa knows that telling her friends that her best friend lives in her dreams is not exactly going to be believable.

So all she can do is sulk to herself.

It’s annoying, though, seeing all the happy couples in the cafeteria holding hands and even Kiki texting Marcus all the time, because it feels like Vanessa just can’t get away from it. It’s nauseating, especially when the couples kiss against the lockers and Vanessa has to see _tongue_ and honestly? She hates romance. 

Well, that’s a lie, because Vanessa’s watched _Titanic_ approximately forty seven times, but when it comes to real life and something she’ll never be able to have? Romance can suck it.

Vanessa tries not to think about Paul when Marcus buys Kiki’s lunch for her, and when the girls at the table beside theirs in the cafeteria start talking about their weekend plans with their boyfriends. The fact that Paul gets to do all of it with Brooke?

It sucks. 

Maybe if Vanessa had said something to Brooke earlier, mentioned the fact that hey, she has a big fat crush which is getting more and more impossible to ignore, maybe Paul wouldn’t be in the picture. Maybe Brooke would be interested in Vanessa, too, and want to date her.

Or maybe Brooke would be understandably freaked out and never want to hang out with her or be her friend anymore. Could go either way.

Vanessa knows that the risk is too high, that she can’t lose her friendship with Brooke because it’s the most important thing in the world, but this alternative? Watching as Brooke dates other people and lives her best life while being hopelessly single and across the continent? It’s hard. Real freaking hard.

The end of the day is almost a blessing, because at least it’s Friday and Vanessa can sulk at home for two days, free of the nauseating couples that line the hallways and away from the faux sympathetic looks from Kiki and Silky when they tell her that she’ll find a boyfriend, too, she’ll see. The slam of her locker before as she hoists her backpack over her shoulder is cathartic, the noise barely heard over the noise filling the corridor. 

The expectant face on the other side of the locker door, though, nearly makes Vanessa jump out of her skin.

“What the fuck?”

Sebastian’s expression goes from charming to apologetic, his face sheepish as he scratches the back of his head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“What do you want?” Vanessa really doesn’t care what Sebastian has to say, not when her couch is waiting for her with a bag of Cheetos and _Gilmore Girls_ reruns. 

But Sebastian is undeterred, keeping pace with Vanessa as she pushes through the hallway. “So. The spin the bottle kiss.”

Vanessa stops, nearly bumping into him. Cold dread sinks down onto her shoulders as possibilities for what Sebastian’s about to say circle through her mind. Does he want to date her? Is he going to say that he wants to kiss her again? Worst of all, is he going to say that she’s a bad kisser?

She’s only kissed one person so far, but she hopes that she isn’t.

“We did some great teamwork there.” Sebastian shoots finger guns, actual finger guns at her and Vanessa snorts, starting to walk once more. 

“I’m not interested in repeating that performance.” 

Though Sebastian’s reply is quick. “Not what I’m here to ask.” 

“Oh?” It’s enough to make Vanessa stop again, and let Sebastian catch up with her. 

“Listen. My friends won’t stop trying to set me up with people. Doesn’t matter if I tell them I’m not interested right now. They just want us all to have girlfriends and don’t really care that I don’t.”

Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “How is that my problem?” 

“You telling me your friends aren’t doing the same thing?” Sebastian asks, and Vanessa sighs, because he’s right. “I know you’re not interested in me, which is great. I’m not interested in you either.”

“Okay?” Vanessa’s about to walk again again, because the conversation truly feels as if it’s going nowhere. 

“It’s easy to see that you’re watching the cheerleaders rather than the football players on game nights.” Sebastian continues, and Vanessa freezes, because _what?_

“I am not!” So maybe Vanessa crosses her arms a little too soon, and her voice is a bit indignant, because Sebastian’s shooting her a look and how the fuck does he even know? “Does anyone else know?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Not my secret to tell, that’s yours. I got shit to hide too. But one way we can both keep things under wraps for a little while longer? Working together.” 

“What does that even mean?” Vanessa can feel her cheeks heat up, because the fact that Sebastian can tell, the fact that he _knows_ means that maybe others can tell and what if they already know and-

“We pretend to date. No funny business, promise. I don’t want that either. But then my friends won’t bother me about getting a girlfriend and your friends won’t bother you about a boyfriend, and we can look straighter than the meter stick in Mrs. Sanchez’s math room.” Sebastian shrugs. “Think about it. Let me know. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. As long as you don’t either.”

Sebastian’s a good twenty yards away from her before Vanessa’s able to move her legs from where they’re rooted to the spot, her grip on her backpack straps a little sweaty. The pounding of her heart only spurs her thoughts faster, because Sebastian knows. Someone in her school knows that she’s not straight, and she hasn’t even _told_ anyone on purpose yet. 

Fuck.

But Sebastian had said that he has something to hide, too. Does that mean...he’s not straight, either?

Vanessa’s still not sure if she wants to do it, though. Pretend to date someone for the sake of their friends. How will it even work, anyway? Will they have to hold hands and do fake PDA and will Vanessa have to pretend to be obsessed with him?

She’s torn about it that evening, throwing the options back and forth because maybe it could be good, having a fake boyfriend. Not having to worry about anyone bothering her about dating someone. 

It could also keep people from realizing that she’s…

Well. Realizing exactly what Sebastian has realized about her. 

But if she does say yes, it’ll be a true test of her acting abilities. Trying not to roll her eyes every five minutes when they have to pretend to be as nauseatingly adorable as the rest of the couples in their grade. 

Vanessa’s dream that night is in her kitchen, of all places, flipping pancakes at the stove while Brooke cuts up fruit and arranges it on their plates in the shape of smiley faces. Maybe she should tell Brooke about what Sebastian’s proposed. Maybe she’ll get a kick out of it. 

“So Paul wants to take me to the fair this weekend, y’know, those ones with the ferris wheel and those games that you play to win prizes. He said he’ll win me one of the giant stuffed animals.”

Gross.

In that instant, Vanessa’s decided what she wants to do. What she’s going to say to Sebastian. 

“That’ll be fun. Speaking of boys,” Vanessa keeps her tone light as she piles another pancake on the stack beside her, before pouring more batter into the pan, “guess who has a boyfriend?”

The way Brooke’s jaw goes slack almost makes it worth it. “What? Who?”

Vanessa shrugs, trying to contain the satisfaction rising in her chest because Brooke looks like she’s about to combust. “Sebastian wore me down.”

“I thought you said the spin the bottle kiss wasn’t that great?” Brooke’s tone is suspicious and Vanessa makes a noncommittal noise, as if Brooke isn’t absolutely right. 

“Gotta say, the butterflies are definitely there when we kiss now.” It’s a lie, a bold-faced lie, and Vanessa knows it. 

Brooke’s nose wrinkles as if she’s smelled something terrible. “Really?”

“Really.” Not really, but Brooke doesn’t need to know that. “I get why you’re so excited about Paul now.”

Brooke pauses, and it seems as if Vanessa’s truly left her speechless. Excellent. 

Now Vanessa has the chance to really put the icing on the cake. “Imagine if we lived closer to each other. We could double date!”

Brooke turns positively green. “Yeah, I guess we could.”

The pancakes they eat in the dream are truly delicious, something Vanessa wishes she could have the next morning for breakfast when she wakes up. Except that the satisfaction of the dream fades, a little, as she tries to think about what everything actually means. 

Sure, Vanessa’s doing exactly what Brooke’s doing. Not exactly, because she’s not _really_ dating Sebastian, but now she doesn’t have to feel weird when Brooke starts waxing on about Paul, because then she can bring up Sebastian. 

Which leads her to another factor - Brooke’s reaction. Brooke had looked stricken at the news, rather than happy for her, the way Vanessa was trying to be when Brooke had told her about Paul. Vanessa had hidden her true feelings. 

Does it mean something that Brooke couldn’t? What does the reaction she had even mean?

If Brooke is jealous the way that Vanessa knows that she herself is, then she wouldn’t be straight up dating a guy. She wouldn’t already have a boyfriend. Except that Brooke does, which means that she likes Paul. Not Vanessa. 

Maybe Brooke just thinks that Vanessa can do better, which she’d be right about. The only problem is, the only ‘better’ that Vanessa wants is Brooke. 

Vanessa really enjoys making things harder for herself, she truly does. 

* * *

Vanessa’s only sixteen, but the weird vibes between her and Brooke make her feel as if she’s aged a few decades in the last week or so.

It’s mostly fine and dandy. The two of them are still exploring and having adventures and doing the fun things in their dreams that they always do, but then Brooke mentions Paul, and Vanessa mentions Sebastian, and Brooke gets all short and snippy and none of it really makes sense at all.

If Vanessa’s being honest, she doesn’t mind spending time with Sebastian. He likes watching _The Bachelorette_ too and is always ready to talk about it with her, and tells her about his best friend’s brother who he may or may not have a crush on but can’t do anything about. 

Vanessa tells him a little bit about Brooke, too. She keeps it vague at first, mentioning Brooke as a friend of hers who doesn’t live in their city anymore, but then it just slips out when Vanessa accidentally mentions a dream where they explored a jungle. But Sebastian surprisingly takes it in stride. 

“That’s totally out of a movie. Damn. I want a dream boyfriend. My dreams usually just consist of me being unable to find my clothes in the morning and having to come to school in my boxers.” Sebastian makes a face. “Never that well received in the dream.”

Vanessa can’t even laugh at his statement, not when Sebastian is munching on his fries as if the information doesn’t surprise him at all. “Wait. You actually believe me? You don’t think I’m lying?” 

Sebastian shrugs. “I dunno, seems like it would be a weird thing to lie about. So it’s gotta be true. Also I want it to be true and I want a dream soulmate, so there’s that. Now tell me about more of your dreams.”

It’s nice, having a friend that Vanessa can talk about it with. She tells him about the dreams from when they were kids and how they’ve changed but also stayed the same as they’ve grown older. She shows him the pictures that they’d taken on Brooke’s disposable camera back when Brooke had come for her competition, the ones that she keeps in her school binder so that she doesn’t ever lose them. 

Sebastian lets out a whistle. “Geez. You gotta move to Canada or something and be with her. Even if our fake relationship ends? That’s a sacrifice _I’m_ willing to make.” 

Vanessa snorts. “So noble. I can’t date her, though.” 

“What?! Why?” Sebastian almost looks offended, and Vanessa has to hold back a sigh. 

“‘Cause she has a boyfriend. Named _Paul._ ” 

“Gross, what is he, an insurance salesman?” Sebastian makes a face and Vanessa nods frantically because dang, he gets it. 

“I’m saying! But ‘cause of that, we ain’t together. Also ‘cause she doesn’t like me like that.” 

Vanessa doesn’t mean to sound so glum as she says it, but the truth of it feels like a brick in her stomach. There’s always been a tiny part of her that hopes, wants Brooke to feel the same way. The part of her that wonders if there’s a reason that Brooke always grabs her hand, and if Brooke looks at all of her friends with such a soft expression. 

But Brooke has a boyfriend, so she can’t like Vanessa, and it’s something that Vanessa has to come to terms with, no matter how much she doesn’t want to. 

“Maybe Paul is her beard, too.” Sebastian snickers. “Maybe both of you are playing chicken.”

Vanessa scoffs. “Why does she rave about him, then?”

“What, you don’t rave about me? I’m hurt.” Sebastian pretends to pout, and Vanessa rolls her eyes. 

“You wish.” 

Brooke is acting differently though, and it’s something that Vanessa can’t deny anymore. Not when she stops bringing up Paul, which is a nice reprieve in itself, but Vanessa becomes more hesitant to bring up Sebastian, too, even when he ate an entire hot dog in two bites at lunch which in Vanessa’s opinion was absolutely hilarious. But some things don’t seem worth sharing, not when they’ll make Brooke huff, and it feels easier to just enjoy her time with Brooke in their dreams focused on just the two of them. 

Vanessa is confused one night, though when Brooke is on edge as soon as she reaches their dream, not even paying attention to the giant flowers that seem to be growing from the sky. 

“What’s got you all grumpy?” Vanessa tries to climb the stem of the flower above her, swinging herself up onto one of the giant leaves. 

Brooke scoffs from her position on the ground, not even trying to climb the stems even though her height would definitely make it easier for her. “I’m not grumpy. What would make me grumpy?”

“You look mighty grumpy to me from up here, all huffing and puffing and crossing your arms as if you’re...wait for it...grumpy.” 

Vanessa knows she’s pushing Brooke’s buttons - after all, knowing Brooke for most of her life means that she knows exactly how to do it, too. Brooke’s quick to set off today, though, already beginning to scowl.

“I broke up with Paul.”

The five words made Vanessa’s brain stop working for approximately half a second, the gears coming to a halt. “Wait, you did what?”

“I just said it. I broke up with him.” Brooke looks everywhere except towards her, turning her gaze towards the flowers as if she hasn’t dropped the biggest bombshell possible. 

Brooke’s not with Paul anymore. She’s not dating a boy whose name is the equivalent of a paperclip. What’s more, _she_ broke up with _him_ , which has to mean something, right? Except….why?

“But why? I thought you liked him.” Vanessa can’t help it, it’s a genuine question because Brooke seemed happy and seemed to like their stupid dates. What possible reason would she have to break up with Paul?

Why doesn’t she want the guy with the world’s most boring name to date her anymore?

Brooke’a still not looking at her, instead paying attention to the soil underneath her feet. “I don’t know, I just did.”

“That’s not a reason.”

“Why does everything have to have a reason? I can’t get tired of being tied down to a guy?” Brooke starts to climb the stem of the flower next to the one Vanessa’s on, her attention directed towards reaching for the giant leaves.

Tied down. Interesting. Vanessa’s never heard that from Brooke before. She’s seemed weirdly happy with Paul the entire time. But hey, maybe she hasn’t been. What does Vanessa know about their relationship, anyway, when she tries her best to tune it out?

“Is that it? You don’t want to be chained to someone, even if it’s Paul?” Vanessa raises an eyebrow, because the explanation sounds flimsy once she says it out loud. 

“Since when do you care about Paul?” 

The question makes Vanessa wrinkle her nose. She most definitely does not, although Brooke doesn’t know that. “Just curious. And you’re being weirdly touchy about it.”

Brooke’s not necessarily an open book of a person, but she’s always been willing to share her pages with Vanessa, talking about her hopes and dreams and all the little details of her life that Vanessa feels privileged to hear. It’s nice, to have a sense of familiarity with someone who just gets it because they always have, because they’ve been around for everything since the beginning. Vanessa feels like she barely keeps anything from Brooke because there’s no reason to, and that Brooke’s the same. Except now, it’s like the two of them are on opposite ends of a river that Vanessa doesn’t exactly know how to cross. 

“I’m not touchy.” Brooke’s huff and crossing of her arms reminds Vanessa of when they were younger, back in grade school, and has to resist the urge to roll her eyes. 

But she drops it, because maybe it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe it’ll come out with time when Brooke is done being pissed about it. 

“Whatever you say, grumpy pants.”

Vanessa brings it up to Sebastian when they’re studying in the library one day, whispering over their calculus questions that Vanessa’s only gotten a quarter of the way through. 

“ _Brooke_ broke up with _him_. But she didn’t tell me why, even though she seemed weirdly happy dating him. None of this makes sense.” Vanessa drops her head onto her notebook but her brain continues to spin because everything is too confusing when it comes to Brooke. 

Sebastian, though, looks at her as if she has two heads. “Doesn’t make sense? It makes perfect sense.”

“How?”

“It’s because Brooke likes _you._ You said she gets annoyed if you talk about me, right?” Sebastian asks, his fingers tapping on the table with excitement. 

Vanessa raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, so?”

“She’s jealous. It’s so clear.” Sebastian says it as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “She thinks that we’re dating, ‘cause she has no idea that there’s a million people I’d rather date first-”

“Bitch, me too, you ain’t special-”

“-And now she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place ‘cause she’s realizing that Paul isn’t all that and that she would rather be with you, except now you’re taken.” Sebastian claps his hands together, grinning. “My god. This drama is the best thing that’s happened all term.”

Vanessa scoffs. “There’s no drama. It’s just your overactive imagination coming up with a story. There’s no proof Brooke even likes me like that.”

“Okay, I haven’t been in your dreams and even I know that that’s full of shit.” Sebastian rubs his temples, closing his eyes before continuing. “Who else has saved your life a million times and in a million different scenarios?”

“Those were during dreams, it doesn’t count-”

“Who else grabs your hand and plays with your hair and kisses your forehead, which, by the way, sounds nauseating?”

“Okay, she does that, yeah, but she could just be doing that as a friend.” Vanessa squeaks out the words because Sebastian looks like he’s about to lose his mind. 

“Jesus Christ. I’m infiltrating the next dream and just making you two kiss already.”

Sebastian’s convinced of his words and Vanessa wants to believe them, she really does. There’s nothing she wants more for Brooke to like her, too, for Brooke to feel the same way. Except...what if Brooke doesn’t? What if Vanessa saying something to her makes everything fall to pieces because Brooke is on a completely different wavelength, and finds it weird that Vanessa likes her and never wants to see her again, and-

Vanessa can’t lose Brooke. She can’t. 

She needs to wait for more proof. 

* * *

Vanessa’s turning seventeen tomorrow but she doesn’t feel grown up, not quite yet. 

She can drive and she’s starting college next year but she still can’t vote, and she’s technically not an adult for another year. But still, there’s a certain feeling to seventeen. Maybe because it’s the year of being a dancing queen, maybe because it’s one step closer to eighteen. But so far, Vanessa’s a fan of it. 

Brooke’s arranged their dream for the night with everything Vanessa likes for her birthday, from life sized Pokémon and a herd of fluffy cats and even conjuring up a dream Rihanna to put on a private concert just for her. Brooke wraps her arms around her as they watch, her chin against Vanessa’s head and Vanessa’s never felt so safe and warm and happy. 

“Thank you.” Vanessa mumbles the words, turning around so that she can hug Brooke, bury her face against her.

Brooke kisses the top of Vanessa’s head, squeezes her a little bit tighter. “Anything for you. Not sure if it tops all the magical creatures we met during the dream on my birthday, though. You killed that one.”

“You’re very easy to plan a birthday surprise for. You cry at seeing literally any animal ever.” Vanessa grins, starting to giggle when Brooke flushes crimson. 

“They’re all so cute! I can’t help it.”

“You’re cute.”

“Nah, you.”

It’s wild to Vanessa, how easily the words fall from both of their lips. Vanessa still hasn’t said anything to Brooke about wanting anything more because she doesn’t want to ruin anything, but it’s easy to avoid the topic and just hold her hand instead. Brooke allows it, seeking it out herself. She tells Vanessa how much she means to her, as if it’s normal best friend behaviour. Between the two of them? It certainly is. And it’s driving Vanessa crazy. 

The dream that night feels like it goes by faster than normal, and maybe it’s because Vanessa doesn’t ever want time like this with Brooke to end. It’s nice to pretend for a little, that maybe they’re together and that’s why they’re holding hands and close to each other, even though she knows the truth. Being on the receiving end of Brooke’s soft gazes is something that Vanessa’s never going to tire of, not when they make her feel so loved. 

Vanessa wants to pet the Pokémon before the dream ends and she wakes up but she feels a tug on her hand, and Brooke’s pulling her close before she has a chance to walk away. 

“What?” 

Vanessa usually prides herself on being able to read Brooke and figure out what she’s going to say before she says it, but right now she’s not so sure. Brooke looks like she’s holding something back, her eyes wide and her breath caught in her throat, and she’s still as beautiful as ever. Vanessa never wants to look away.

“I…” Brooke trails off, biting her lip, and Vanessa takes a slight step forward, as if it’ll make Brooke spit out what she wants to say. “Are you happy?”

What? That’s what Brooke’s asking her? 

“Right now, in this dream? I just met Rihanna and we dreamed up some life sized Pokémon, ‘course I’m happy.” Brooke knows what she loves and fiddled with the dream for her birthday, and Vanessa doesn’t want to wake up from it. She’s plenty happy. 

Brooke shakes her head, her grip tightening on Vanessa’s hand. “No, not right now. In general. With...Sebastian. With him. Are you happy with him?”

Vanessa can feel her own heart pounding against her ribcage, threatening to escape, and she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear as if it’ll calm her down. “Plenty happy. He’s fun.”

As a friend. He’s fun as a friend who wants nothing more than for her to get together with Brooke. But how does Vanessa tell her that?

“Oh.” Brooke almost seems to deflate, her grip loosening and Vanessa can see the way her expression drops. “Okay.”

Except this is not the way things are supposed to be, she’s not even _with_ Sebastian but Brooke doesn’t know that and she looks like she’s about to pull away. So Vanessa squeezes her hand once, twice, until Brooke’s looking back up at her and she has to ask, she has to know. “Why did you break up with Paul?”

“Ness-”

“Tell me this time.”

It’s hard for Vanessa to keep herself from pleading, because she doesn’t want to put herself and their friendship on the line until she’s absolutely sure and there’s no chance for her to be interpreting this wrong. 

She needs proof.

“You already know.” Brooke whispers as she says it, not looking at her but rather at the grass beneath them and Vanessa wants to scream.

“I don’t, I really don’t know ‘cause we keep dancing around it and you know that-”

And just like that, Vanessa’s train of thought stops. 

Because Brooke is kissing her, Brooke has her face cradled in her hands and she’s _kissing her._

And it’s more than she felt the one time that she kissed Sebastian during spin the bottle. It's the butterflies that only Brooke can give her but they’re tenfold, about to take flight in her stomach and give her wings of her own because it’s too much, it’s too perfect.

Vanessa goes on her tiptoes so that she can get even closer to Brooke, wrapping her arms around her neck and she gasps into the kiss when Brooke’s arm brackets her waist, because she knows now.

And it’s everything.

When they break the kiss, Brooke’s eyes are wide and her cheeks are pink and her chest is heaving because they’re both trying to catch their breath, and Vanessa can’t stop looking at her. Because Brooke is hers, her person and her soulmate and maybe not _just_ her best friend and Vanessa never wants to have to let her go. 

“I know you’re happy with Sebastian, and that’s cool and I’m sorry for kissing you when you’re dating someone else but I had to, and you need to know because I really like you, Ness, I like you more than I can say and our dreams are my favourite part of the day because I get to see you and I hope this doesn’t ruin anything but I couldn’t hold back any longer because it’s torture-”

Vanessa’s the one to kiss Brooke this time, pulling her face close and trying to convey everything that she can’t say with words. When they pull apart she smiles, and Brooke is smiling back and not looking so anxious and maybe, the knots in Vanessa’s chest are undoing themselves, too.

“Sebastian and I aren’t dating.”

The words hang in the air for two, three seconds while Brooke’s brows furrow together. Vanessa can almost see the gears turning in Brooke’s brain and it makes her want to laugh. 

“Wait, what?”

“See, having a significant other means that neither of our friends suspect anything. Y’know, the fact that I like girls and he likes guys, and that I actually have a crush on my best friend. Who lives in a different country.”

Vanessa’s heart picks up speed because it’s the first time that she’s said those words out loud, that she _likes girls_ and she’s said them to Brooke, and she’s said that she has a crush on her, and shit. Her mouth really does go faster than her brain. Except Brooke’s sucking a breath in, and there’s a sparkle in her eyes that has to mean that things are going to be okay even though she’s said too much.

“You do?” Brooke’s voice is laced with hope and wonder and part of Vanessa is amazed that Brooke is surprised by it. That she hasn’t already known. 

“Wait.” Brooke makes a face, her bottom lip protruding slightly in a frown. “Why didn’t you tell me that you guys weren’t dating?”

“Well, you were dating Paul! What was I supposed to do?” Vanessa huffs, frowning a little when it makes Brooke _giggle._

“I didn’t like him that much, anyway. Every time I kissed him, I just pictured you.” Brooke’s tone is sheepish but Vanessa can feel her cheeks warming up.

Brooke’s thought about kissing her, too.

Brooke likes her.

Brooke actually likes her.

“Now you can kiss me for real.” Vanessa grins, and she feels like she’s about to lift off the ground and take flight because she can actually say these words to Brooke now. Because now she knows, has the proof. 

Except that Brooke’s wiggling her eyebrows as she grins right back. “Is that your way of asking me for another kiss?”

“Two minutes into me saying I like you and you already have a big head about it-”

When Brooke kisses her, it feels right. Brooke’s arms are home, in the way that she holds her close and the warmth that radiates off of her as both of their hearts beat faster and faster. Vanessa never wants to come up for air because it means that they have to separate, even just for a second, when all she wants is to have Brooke in her grasp forever and ever.

Vanessa’s pulled from the dream in the middle of the kiss when her alarm blares like a siren and she’s not in Brooke’s arms anymore, her hands aren’t in Brooke’s hair but in reality it’s a Thursday morning at seven a.m. and she has school today and now she’s finally seventeen.

Her phone buzzes, and the message makes her face break out into a smile.

_Brooke: Happy birthday. Miss you already._

It’s followed by a picture of Brooke in her pyjamas blowing a kiss towards the camera, and Vanessa gets it, the meaning of a soulmate. 

For her, it’s a girl in Toronto that knows her better than anyone else in the world ever could. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me at @plastiquetiaras on tumblr!


End file.
